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It all started at Werk, that club. I wasn't even supposed to be in Vienna. The only reason I was there was because I couldn't go straight to Budapest. I got there with 10 euros to my name and instead of finding a place to sleep I decided to go to an all night club. An all night club with hardly anyone in it. An all night club that for some reason was letting me sell my hats. People would come and go, to and fro, some talking to me, others gawking at me, most just ignoring me. They were beautiful though. Each one was a wound up little mess, slurring their second hand English and bumping into each other as the combinations of MDMA and alcohol coursed through their veins. Also, each one I talked to was smarter than me. They knew several languages, studied engineering and medicine, traveled for business, and had places to sleep. I found myself most intrigued by a woman in marketing. She had at least ten friends in the club and instead of partying with them, she talked to me. Not only that, she kept talking to me. She listened to my tale of how I came to stay in Vienna and offered me a room for the night. I don't even think she said goodbye to her friends.
I had been in a situation once like this before. Once, after a Vance Joy show, a woman invited me to hang out with her friends. She kept offering more drinks and weed as the group whittled down to the two of us. We somehow got to her room and she climbed on top of me and went in for a kiss. Great right? not great. I had a girlfriend at the time and cheating sucks. Let me tell you why cheating sucks. It's like that part in 1984 where the rats are about to gnaw into the protagonists face and he shouts "DO IT TO JULIA!" or something along those lines. That's what cheating is. Your fear of loneliness and rejection gets the best of you and you put it on your significant other. I have no problem with poly amorous relationships. Hell, I was in one for a couple of weeks and it was sweet! try it! However, cheating implies dishonesty. No one likes being told lies by ones they love. You feel that rejection when you hear it. Their words say "I love you" and their actions finish the thought with "but not enough to be honest". some one else's rats gnawing at your face.
I thought I might've been back in that position and didn't care. I was so tired. I just wanted to sleep. Just like Winston Smith, I had been defeated. Luckily, she was just really nice. Nothing happened. Nothing was ever going to happen. I wondered, and still wonder, If it matters. If you're willing to betray the ones you love, what does it matter if you do? Isn't it just a matter of time before the opportunity presents itself and you break? The deed is already done, it just hasn't happened yet. That's the bitch of potential. A hammer can drive nails or crush skulls with similar ease.
The next day was something out of a Richard Linklater film. She nursed a wicked hangover while I cleaned and made myself breakfast. It was her flatmate's birthday party the night before and they had thrashed their living quarters. They loved South Park. We probably talked for an hour about all our favorite episodes. When my new friend arose from her subdued state, it was hard to keep composure. Her hair fell to the side in slightly matted tangles and she wore a yellow knit sweater with slightly ripped leggings. The whole image made me think she had a team of stylists and wardrobe designers going for the perfect look of "European girl waking up in the morning." This wasn't a movie though. It actually was a European girl waking up in the morning, the way they do, looking as she did. We walked through the streets of Vienna, past crowded flea markets and malls. We laughed at the rich people wearing murder around their necks. We dipped in and out of cafes and discussed matters of age, love, and beauty. It turns out, she wasn't supposed to be there either. She had cut a business trip short and forgone a week in Sri Lanka for the comfort of her bed. Two Strangers in the wrong places at the right time. Just like the movies. I wasn't tired anymore. It was time to carry on with the journey.
On the way to the bus station, I ran into a man by the name of Tweezystow selling his hip hop records. We spat 8's and 16's till long after I should have walked to the bus. If Vienna's subway system wasn't as good as it is, I'd probably still be there. I made it in the knick of time. Just like the movies.
As always thanks for reading,
J say of the day: exhaustion can fuck up your descision making just as well as any drug.