Cancer and Car Crashes

Dear you, reading this,

Do you ever think that maybe like, marijuana, like hinders you a bit? I only bring this up because since getting my med card, I have felt much better, but our podcast release and band practice schedule has fallen to pieces. In all fairness, it's more the party scene than anything. I've been going to a ton of shows and when I'm not at shows, I'm at open mics and the one night of the week where I'm not out, I'm in a 14hr hibernation. Every night there is the hope of making a connection that will lead to more content, but the content is getting harder and harder to produce. Free time is a rare commodity for the working class. I don't expect anyone to be sympathetic though. Party culture seems decadent and superfluous. You don't hear about ants partying. There's also the element of sexual promiscuity and recreational drug use that is frankly dangerous.

You know what else is dangerous? Driving. I got rear ended into another car a few days ago and now my trunk and the drivers side rear door won't open. Apparently, the car is totaled. While waiting for the police to arrive at the scene of the accident, I began chatting with the other drivers. The man who got hit by my car had just bought his 2019 Subaru STI and was lamenting the prospect of having to get his bumper repainted. According to him, you can't get the factory Subaru blue after market. I must admit, my heart goes out to the guy. Buying a new car is somewhat scary because of how much value it loses. You have to have personal reasons, probably tied up in pride, to buy one. Now it is damaged. Sure it's new but, the bumper doesn't even match. He had his cool car for 3 weeks before it was suddenly just another pile on the road. At least he had his health. I can't say the same for the woman who hit me. She had breast cancer. Of course I could see it. From the moment she got out of the car, I knew, but how do you approach something like that? Am I supposed to say "Hello, you've just caused an accident and oh gee, looky there, you seem to have gone a few rounds with chemo!?" I let her bring it up.  It didn't have anything to do with the accident. It just made me sad.

I didn't even know this person existed before she inconvenienced me. Now, I can't stop thinking about her. On some level, I know there are plenty of women suffering from breast cancer in my community. Five Years ago I lost a great aunt to it. However, It's not something I think about. I keep thinking about this lady. I want to ask her questions. What do you think about when that is your life? Sure, I could look up youtube videos of people with breast cancer and see what they have to say, but none of them rear ended my car. I don't care about them. It's not comfortable to say that the only reason I care is because I saw something alive in her. There was something in the way she acted that was immediately relatable. It's hard to transmit that in large numbers or over great distances. We've gotten pretty good at it. More people care about more stuff than ever. That should be a sign that we understand the humanity in others.

Trepidation comes with the knowledge that I most likely will never speak to her again. Ideas and actions both are often compared to fire. There's a spark. It catches on. A great Idea or a momentous action are often compared to lightning striking. In our modern world where so many ideas and prompts for action are thrown at us each day, it seems like every one's head is on fire. Much like one cannot see the forest for the trees, we can no longer see the fire for the sparks. We get all these statements about new ideas, individual actions, and trends, but what is actually spreading? Is it love,fear, knowledge, truth, lies or is each dialectic being shifted? Is everything just being amplified? I don't know, but I wonder if the lady who rear ended me thinks about that stuff. Maybe she was thinking about it when she didn't see my car stopped. I think about that stuff when I'm driving. It could've just as easily have been me. The fire would've danced the same.


As always, thank you for reading,



J Say of the Day: Creating a future is inevitable. Why not imagine the possibilities?