Dear you, reading this,
Conversation is hard sometimes. There are multiple ways to approach it. Often times your intention is misconstrued. I find it fascinating when people describe themselves. It's most of what our conversations are right? We talk about what content we like, where we've been, when we were there, who we were with, why things happened, How we feel, and what we think about it. Sometimes we speculate on the future or wrap ourselves in inventing fantasy. We each choose our level of involvement and priorities in the conversation. Are you trying to get something out of the conversation? Do you like talking? Do you like listening? Do you like what you hear or see? should we touch?
That's a big one right there. Should we touch? Why not? It's simple enough. A simple "hi!" and an extended hand is grounds for touch. It results in a handshake. However, that initial touch doesn't stop the question from being asked. If the answer is "Yes, we should touch." then a new question arises. How should we touch? After all, there are so many ways we can touch: Handshake, hug, kiss, kiss from a fist, fist bump, chest bump, butt bump, slap, high five, snuggle, cuddle, penetrate, push, shove, pull, bite, scratch, lick, pet, pat, rub, tickle, pinch, press, caress, massage. Which one should we do if any? How do you go about answering this question? How often have you overheard two or more people talking about how they want to touch each other? I started with two people because I assume the conversation can happen internally within one person.
Let's start with one person. How often do we discuss with ourselves all the wonderful ways there are to touch ourselves? That is an honest question. I can only speak for myself. I personally think more about bad touches than good ones. I shouldn't touch my dick and balls all the time (especially in public) because people might think I'm a pervert and that may make them less likely to touch me. I enjoy human interaction by touch and I don't want to decrease my chances of that happening. So even if it feels good it's still a bad touch sometimes. Of course, nobody needs to know what I do with my body and there are other reasons not to touch yourself in certain ways. You shouldn't rub your eyes because it causes baggy eyelids. You shouldn't touch your face without washing your hands because that's why people get sick on airplanes and in classrooms. You shouldn't scratch your bug bites because often times it just makes the itch worse until you start bleeding. I don't know why I shouldn't bite my nails, but I think about it. Same goes for pulling my fingers until the knuckles pop. I shouldn't poke my belly button too hard... it's just painful.
I think about that stuff from time to time and yet, most times I touch myself, I do it without thinking. I rub my eyes sometimes (with the baggy eyes to prove it). I touch my face a lot. I scratch my bug bites so much I have scars from it. I bite my nails off all the time. It's fun. I don't poke my belly button too hard though. Only needed to do that once. the good news is I know so many wonderful ways to touch myself: massaging my face and shoulders, rubbing my belly, scratching minor itches, running my fingers through my hair, cleaning my ears, swirling my tongue around in my mouth, stroking my beard. All of these are quite enjoyable.
When it comes to touching someone else though, I still think about the bad touches. I want so badly to avoid touching someone in the wrong way that often times I refrain from touching them at all. Sure I'm fine when it comes to handshakes and hugs, but what about resting an arm on a shoulder or rubbing up against someone at a show? I've seen too many people get uncomfortable after someone got too handsy. I've been touched inappropriately before and I'm no stranger to the discomfort. I'm over it now, I suppose, but I figure if I didn't like it than I shouldn't do it to someone else. When discomfort happens, I tend to get reclusive or violent. I find it harder than it should be to say "please stop." because often times I don't want to give the impression that I don't like being touched. There's just a better way to do it sometimes. Then again, how often do you hear someone describe all their favorite ways to be touched? Honest question. I can only speak for myself and the answer I have is "a handful of times."
I'd like to have more conversations about it. I'd like to hear more conversations about it. Can anyone recommend a podcast where different people discuss the times and ways they like to be touched? If you and I shared a space for a while, is it something you'd like to talk about? do you have a list of your favorite ways to be touched? I'm not encouraging anyone to touch or be touched more than they are comfortable with. I'd just like to know what the people I'm close to feel comfortable sharing with me.
as always, thank you for reading,
J say of the day: Don't be scared off by an implicit expletive